Even Cannibals Are Offended By Biden’s Outlandish Story 

David Evison / shutterstock.com
David Evison / shutterstock.com

The nation listened in shucked bewilderment as President Joe Biden seemed to hint that his uncle, while serving in the armed forces, was shot down over Papua New Guinea and eaten by cannibals. “They never found the body because there used to be, there were a lot of cannibals, for real, in that part of New Guinea,” Grandpa Joe said during a campaign stop in Pittsburgh. 

While America acknowledges and reveres Uncle Bosie and all the other fallen soldiers for their sacrifice, this incident was an excellent opportunity for Biden to do what he does best – embellish a tragedy for political points. 

The truth about what happened to “Uncle Bosie” Ambrose Finnegan after he crash-landed may never be known, but one thing is for sure – he wasn’t dinner for cannibals. According to military records, the body of Uncle Bozey and the three crewmates aboard the plane were never found because they crashed into the ocean, not on land. The records went on to say that no parts of the aircraft were recovered.  

The records indicate that Uncle Bosie was not a reconnaissance pilot, as Biden claimed, but a passenger on the unfortunate plane. The plane was not “shot down.” It suffered a massive engine failure that led to its crash. There was one survivor who somehow evaded the raging cannibal forces in PNG. 

When Fox News’ Peter Doocy confronted White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre about Biden’s claims, noting that being eaten by cannibals was a “bad way to go,” she said that he should not “make jokes” about the incident. She also went on to attempt to resurrect now-debunked claims that former President Donald Trump called fallen soldiers “losers and suckers” during a visit to the American military cemetery in France.  

She framed Biden’s whopper as an “emotional moment” during which he saw an opportunity to “honor his uncle’s service in uniform.” She was finally forced to downplay Biden’s claims, stating that in the end, Uncle Bozey lost his life fighting for America, giving him a unique perspective on members of the armed forces. “And that’s what matters,” she concluded. 

But for some, the truth matters.  

Biden’s statement was so outrageous that academics in Papua New Guinea angrily called his tall tale “very offensive” and “unacceptable.” They say that the cannibals living there would not just eat any random “white man that falls from the sky.” 

Michael Kabuni, a political science lecturer at the University of Papua New Guinea, clarified that historically, cannibalism was practiced by certain communities in specific circumstances, often as a ritual honoring a respected member who had passed away. 

He criticized Biden’s anecdote, stating that taking it out of context and suggesting that Papua New Guineans would view his uncle’s arrival as an opportunity for a meal was inappropriate. 

Allan Bird, governor of Papua New Guinea’s East Sepik province, expressed amusement at Biden’s story and admitted to being speechless in response. 

More importantly, Biden’s lie offended PNG Prime Minister James Marape, alienating the nation as the US seeks to strengthen its ties to counter China to increase its hold on the country. While acknowledging Biden’s remarks as a “slip of the tongue,” he bristles at labeling his country as one of cannibals. 

Marape suggested that the US come to his country and reclaim its dead soldiers, which he says are scattered, along with the wreckage of numerous planes, across the nation.  “The theaters of war in PNG and Solomon Islands are many and littered with the remains of WWII, including human remains, plane wrecks, shipwrecks, tunnels, and bombs. Our people daily live with the fear of being killed by detonated bombs of WWII,” Marape said. 

It’s a poor look for a President who canceled a 2023 trip to the region. PNG has long been an ally to America, signing a defense and maritime cooperation agreement in 2023 to allow American forces to stage military personnel in the country. 

Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese initiated a visit to Papua New Guinea, highlighting the close relationship between the two nations. Later in the week, Albanese and Papua New Guinean Prime Minister Marape will commemorate their strong defense ties by walking a portion of the Kokoda Track, a critical battleground. Albanese emphasized Australia’s “strong partnership” with PNG. 

After realizing that the offended PNG academic statement indirectly implies that there are still cannibals in Papua New Guinea, you may want to cross that country off your bucket list.