Election Drama Hits New Heights: Trump Calls for Cocaine Drug Test for Biden

Saiful52 / shutterstock.com
Saiful52 / shutterstock.com

In a stunning twist that nobody saw coming, former President Donald Trump suggested that President Joe Biden should have to take a drug test before they grace the stage for their highly anticipated verbal duels, otherwise known as the presidential debates. Trump aired this groundbreaking proposal during a cozy chat with Hugh Hewitt, the conservative radio host who probably didn’t see that curveball coming.

Trump, tapping into his inner Sherlock Holmes, linked his request to the mysterious incident involving the cocaine that was found in the White House last July—because, obviously, finding white powder in a building with hundreds of employees unequivocally points to the President of the United States.

Despite multiple people, including Hunter Biden, having access to that area, Trump proceeded to tie the incident to the State of the Union address. He pointed out that Biden was all revved up in the beginning, and then, poof, his energy was gone. President Trump then expressed his suspicion about the situation, suggesting that something was fishy about Biden’s actions.

“There’s something going on there. I want to debate. And I think debates, with him, at least, should be drug tested. I want a drug test.” Trump declared, in a move that could only be described as peak Trump.

Trump does make a point: how can they not find out how the stuff was smuggled into the White House? The Secret Service said that the West Executive Street lobby entrance video did not identify the person or provide any solid investigative leads.

Despite a thorough examination by the Biden FBI crime lab, no traces of fingerprints or DNA were allegedly found on the baggie of cocaine. This suggests a cover-up or that the culprit may have taken extra measures to avoid leaving any evidence behind, making it difficult for law enforcement to trace the source of the illegal substance. What makes it more suspicious is that the matter was dropped almost as fast as it was discovered.

Of course, the discovery of cocaine at the White House sparked criticism and questions from Republicans, who were briefed on the investigation’s findings in a closed meeting.

At the time of the incident, Kevin McCarthy said, “There is no equal justice.” He emphasizes that matters related to ‘Biden, Inc.’ are handled differently than those concerning any other American, a trend he believes should be halted. Perhaps McCarthy was hinting about a Whitehouse cover-up.

When Hugh Hewitt, doing his best impression of a concerned citizen, asked if Trump was insinuating Biden was on a cocaine joyride, Trump offered a response as clear as mud: “I don’t know what he’s using, but that was not, hey, he was higher than a kite.”

Trump didn’t stop there. He took a moment to review Biden’s State of the Union address, giving it two thumbs down and a bucket of popcorn for entertainment value. “It was the worst; it was the worst address I’ve ever seen.” Trump went on to add that it wasn’t the State of the Union address but more like a State of Confusion. Trump lamented that Biden does not represent “us” properly. He expressed his belief that Biden was being helped somehow because one moment he was half-asleep, and then “all of a sudden, he walked up there and did a poor job. But he was all jacked up.”

Is it because of cocaine? Trump believes that could explain why he is so jacked up one minute and falls asleep the next. So, in the grand spectacle of American politics, Trump has floated the idea of pre-debate drug testing, a suggestion that’s as likely to be implemented as finding Bigfoot hosting the next debate.

Yet, it adds another layer of intrigue (or comedy, depending on your viewpoint) to the already circus-like atmosphere of political discourse. Stay tuned for the next episode of “As the White House Turns.”