Dozens of Birds to be Renamed to Protect Everyone from Racism

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Fercast /

The American Ornithological Society (AOS) has decided to protect everyone from racism by renaming more than 100 species of birds. The AOS says that the names of these birds are “clouded by racism and misogyny,” and it’s going to rename them so that black people will once again feel safe while birdwatching. (We’re not making this up, by the way.) The group plans to give new names to the birds because they are “exclusionary” by the standards of white liberal birdwatchers today.

AOS President Colleen Handel, a liberal white lady, the birds must be renamed because they were originally named after people who made significant contributions to the science of ornithology. Since many of those scientists and naturalists of the 18th and 19th centuries were “problematic” by the standards of white liberal ladies in 2023, the names of the birds all have to be changed.

The AOS created a special racism committee last year to figure out which birds are flapping around and spreading racism just through their very names. So far, they have identified 100 birds with racist names out of the planet’s roughly 10,000 identified bird species. The project of identifying racist birds is expected to last through 2024.

Scott’s oriole, for example, is a pretty little yellow-and-black bird found in deserts and low mountain habitats where it’s exceedingly dry. Can anyone guess what’s wrong with Scott’s oriole? That’s right. The bird is racist. It turns out that the bird was named for Winfield Scott, a Civil War general who fought for the South.

Scott also led the US army that captured Mexico City in 1847, during the Mexican-American War. He was also the last Whig Party candidate to ever run for president. By the end of his 50-year military career, in which he served under 14 different US presidents, Scott was one of the most famous and admired generals in American history. Yet because he fought for the Confederacy during the Civil War, the “zero historians” are now erasing his very memory.

McCown’s longspur, which inhabits the American plains, has already received a new name. It was originally called McCown’s longspur after Civil War Gen. John P. McCown. After the Civil War was over, McCown continued to serve in the US military on frontier duty. He used to catch birds along the Rio Grande River and send them to ornithologists on the East Coast to study and categorize them.

McCown captured three previously unidentified species of birds, and McCown’s longspur was named in his honor for his contributions to the science of ornithology. But because stupid modern liberal white ladies think that the Civil War was all about “slavery and racism,” and not a war about trade agreements and states’ rights, the bird has been renamed the thick-billed longspur. Now that the bird has been given a new name, black people are once again able to go birdwatching without being oppressed. Great job, Audubon Society!

Donald Trump was correct when he pointed out these zero-year communist lunatics would be trying to erase George Washington and Thomas Jefferson in a few years. Renaming birds serves no purpose other than to wipe out the colorful scientific history of how the birds were named. Birds didn’t get named for unimpressive people. They were named for frontiersmen and explorers who discovered them for the first time.

Under the standards of these people, the Audubon Society is also going to need a new name very soon. Does anyone really believe that all the cool black people are suddenly going to start birdwatching if they rename the birds? Or is it more likely that this is a zero-year historic purge, just like the Soviet Union went through a century ago?