Psycho Drug-Fueled Zombie Seagulls Terrorize Britain: Is the US Next? 

Yevhenii Kravchuk /
Yevhenii Kravchuk /

For residents in the seaside towns of Britain, movies have become a reality as stoned seagulls attack people for their drugs. In a scene straight out of Hitchcock’s “The Birds,” seagulls are aggressively stealing “spice” (a synthetic derivative of marijuana), getting high, and rampaging through quiet towns along the shores of Great Britain. 

The seagulls are targeting drug users, attacking them to steal their stash. Once they have ingested the drugs, the gulls become aggressive and unpredictable “psycho zombie birds.”  Incidents of seagulls “going mad” after stealing drugs are a daily occurrence. As one resident pointed out, “Another day, another zombie seagull.” 

While this seems like a headline from a satirical site, it is all too real in Great Britain, and with the drug trade at the border, it may also become a reality for the United States. 

Authorities have discovered many abandoned caches of drugs hidden within the border wall. The drugs found range from marijuana and cocaine to methamphetamine and fentanyl. Drug trafficking organizations have developed clever methods to transport drugs across the border using the border wall’s infrastructure. Smugglers often use hooks or ropes to suspend drug packages on the U.S. side of the wall, just out of reach. They rely on accomplices on the other side to retrieve the packages, avoiding confrontations with law enforcement. 

There are reports of animals finding these hidden stashes of drugs and consuming them. While dogs are the most affected, other species, including coyotes, foxes, raccoons, and birds, encounter the drugs. These substances’ potent and toxic nature can cause severe adverse effects, including organ damage, neurological issues, and even death. 

These animals also threaten human safety because animals under the influence of drugs may display unpredictable and dangerous behavior, such as the seagulls in the UK. Individuals, including border patrol agents and civilians, have reported aggressive encounters and attacks from animals affected by drugs. 

This reality should be more important than it is to a political party that blocks construction activities and oil drilling to protect an endangered bug. To progressives, however, recklessly placing animals at risk is fine if it advances an agenda. Endangered whale deaths along the east coast spiked at the end of 2022 and through early 2023. Progressives downplayed concerns, assuring Americans that it was merely a “coincidence” that the increased death rate occurred in the months following the construction of two commercial-scale offshore wind farms in New York and Massachusetts. 

Former President Donald Trump came under fire for easing environmental policies that animal rights activists felt were necessary to protect wildlife. There is little mention of endangered golden and bald eagles killed by wind turbines. 

Progressives do not care about American citizens living in border towns, and they do not care about the fate of the illegal immigrants they are welcoming. Unsurprisingly, they do not care about wildlife affected by their policies, either. 

Interestingly, it is not just animals at the border negatively impacted by liberal policies. In cities that have legalized marijuana, accidental poisonings among pets are on the rise. Dogs are the most common victims of THC poisoning, with cats a close second. Others also fall victim to poisoning, including iguanas, ferrets, birds, and horses. 

As for locals in seaside towns in the UK, there is nowhere to hide from psycho zombie seagulls. One resident seemed resigned to his fate, saying, “In the end, the best place for us was in the covered bus shelters. But even then, the seagulls seemed to know where we were.” 

So far, Americans have remained resilient throughout the Biden presidency. But packs of rampaging psycho seagulls at the border wall might push them too far. The only place for psycho zombies is in the White House.