#Top Election Official Just Blamed Climate Change for Hail — A Weather Event That’s Literally in the Bible

Wisconsin Secretary of State Sarah Godlewski looked at the sky this week, saw chunks of ice falling out of it, and decided the culprit was your gas-powered lawnmower. She went on the record — publicly, with a straight face, in front of cameras — and blamed climate change for hail. Hail. The weather event that shows up in the Old Testament. The thing that has been pelting farmers since before the wheel was invented. According to a sitting state official in 2026, this is a brand-new phenomenon caused by you driving an F-150 to Home Depot.

We’re going to need someone to break the news to Sarah that hail predates the internal combustion engine by approximately six thousand years. We’re also going to need someone to explain to her that being Secretary of State of Wisconsin doesn’t actually require a meteorology degree, but it probably should require having opened a history book at some point. Because this woman just stood in front of God and the entire state of Wisconsin and informed everyone that ice falling from clouds is a 21st century invention. Next she’s going to discover lightning and demand we ban Edison.

Let’s run through the climate religion checklist real quick, because Sarah just hit a fresh stamp on the card. It snowed too much? Climate change. It snowed too little? Climate change. It rained? Climate change. It didn’t rain? Climate change. The wind blew? Climate change. The wind didn’t blow? Climate change. Tornado? Climate change. No tornado? Suspicious — probably climate change. The sun came up this morning? Climate change. The sun went down? Bigger climate change. Hail in April in Wisconsin? Stop the presses, sound the alarms, this has never happened before in the history of the upper Midwest, where it has only been hailing every spring since the glaciers retreated.

Here’s the thing the climate cult cannot answer and refuses to be asked: when, exactly, was the climate supposed to stop changing? At what point in Earth’s 4.5 billion year history was the thermostat set to “correct”? Was it 1850? 1750? Was it the Little Ice Age, when Londoners ice-skated on the Thames? Was it the Medieval Warm Period, when the Vikings farmed Greenland? Was it the dinosaur era, when the average global temperature was about 20 degrees warmer than today and somehow life thrived? Sarah doesn’t know. Sarah doesn’t care. Sarah just knows that something happened in the sky that she didn’t like and the only acceptable explanation is that you, peasant, must pay more in taxes.

We used to laugh at the village idiot who ran out into the storm yelling that the gods were angry. Now we elect her Secretary of State and put her in charge of certifying elections. That’s the upgrade. That’s the progress. The same political party that lectures us about “trusting the science” has somehow produced an entire generation of officials who think the weather started in 1995 and everything before that was a different planet. They’ve got the credentials of a college freshman and the historical awareness of a goldfish.

What makes this one extra special is the position she holds. This isn’t some random influencer on TikTok. This isn’t a Hollywood actress doing a PSA between drinks at the Oscars. This is the woman responsible for overseeing elections, certifying business filings, and managing official state records in Wisconsin. The custodian of facts. The keeper of documents. And she just demonstrated, on camera, that she does not know hail existed before her birthday. We are supposed to trust this person to count ballots. We are supposed to trust her to verify signatures. We are supposed to trust her to certify the next presidential election in a swing state, and she’s out here arguing that ice cubes from the sky are a new invention by Exxon.

The truly insulting part is the assumption baked into the statement. Sarah doesn’t think you’ll Google it. Sarah doesn’t think you remember last spring, or the spring before that, or the spring before that, when hail wrecked the same crops in the same counties at the same time of year because that is what April does in Wisconsin. Sarah believes — genuinely believes — that the average voter has the memory of a hamster and the curiosity of a houseplant. She is counting on you nodding along while she rewrites the entire history of weather to justify the next $40 billion in green energy boondoggles for her donors.

Meanwhile, real Wisconsin farmers — the ones who actually deal with hail damage every year, who insure against it, who plan their planting schedules around it — are reading her statement and laughing into their coffee mugs. They’ve been getting hailed on for four generations. Their grandfathers got hailed on. Their great-grandfathers got hailed on. The Native Americans who farmed that same land got hailed on. There are oral histories. There are diaries. There are crop insurance records going back a century. None of it matters, because Sarah Godlewski looked out a window in Madison one afternoon and decided weather was invented by Republicans.

This is what the climate religion has done to public discourse. It has produced a class of officials who genuinely cannot tell the difference between weather and climate, between recent memory and geological history, between an event and a trend. They have been taught one verse of one hymn and they hum it at every funeral, every wedding, every rainy Tuesday. Bad thing happen? Carbon. Hot day? Carbon. Cold day? Carbon. Round day? Square day? Carbon, carbon, carbon.

The next time it rains in Wisconsin we expect a press conference. The next time the sun comes out we expect a task force. The next time a kid in Milwaukee gets a sunburn at a baseball game we expect Sarah Godlewski to demand federal disaster relief and three new wind farms. Because the religion does not allow for normal weather anymore. Normal weather is heresy. Normal weather is denial. Normal weather is the one thing the modern Democrat cannot tolerate, because if weather is just weather, then the entire grift collapses, and the donors stop writing checks, and Sarah has to go back to whatever she was doing before someone handed her a podium and a state seal.

It hailed in Wisconsin in April. Stop the presses. Call the bishop. The sky is falling, and it’s all your fault for owning a truck.