The University of Michigan — a taxpayer-funded public institution, in case you forgot — is now offering a course called “Equitable Stage Makeup and Hair.” And yes, it’s exactly as ridiculous as it sounds. Part of the curriculum is taught by a drag performer from *RuPaul’s Drag Race*.

Because apparently, a degree in engineering or pre-med just wasn’t cutting it anymore. Michigan parents, congratulations — your kid can now minor in contouring.

The course was developed by theater professor Sarah Oliver, who decided that traditional theatrical makeup training is — and we are quoting directly here — guilty of having “privileged a global minority.” That’s right. Mascara is now a social justice issue. Stage foundation has been colonized. We must decolonize the blush palette.

The guest lecturer for the drag module is Alex Michaels, who performs under the stage name Alexis Michelle and appeared on *RuPaul’s Drag Race*. Michaels teaches students the finer points of eyebrow covering, contouring, lash work, and eyeshadow application — you know, the essential skills that Fortune 500 companies are *desperate* to hire for.

But wait — the makeup techniques are just the tip of the mascara wand. The full course curriculum includes “inclusive language practices” and “anti-racist theater methodologies.” Because you can’t learn how to apply eyeliner without first examining your complicity in systemic oppression.

(We’re still trying to figure out what “equitable” means when applied to lipstick. Does every shade get equal representation? Is there an equity audit for blush? Does foundation get reparations?)

The course is offered through Michigan Online, which means this isn’t some underground elective hiding in the basement of the drama building. This is a program the university is actively promoting and distributing to students nationwide.

The University of Michigan charges in-state students roughly $17,000 a year in tuition, and out-of-state students north of $57,000. That’s real money from real families — many of whom are scraping together savings accounts and taking on crushing student loan debt so their kids can get a degree that actually leads to a career.

And what are those families getting for their investment? “Anti-racist theater methodologies” and drag queen eyeshadow tutorials.

Here’s the part that really gets under your skin: the University of Michigan isn’t some fringe liberal arts school in Portland. It’s supposed to be one of the top public universities in the country. It has world-class engineering, medical, and law programs. Employers used to see “University of Michigan” on a resume and take it seriously.

Now they’ll see it and wonder if the applicant spent four years studying equity-based foundation application.

Professor Oliver told reporters that the old way of teaching stage makeup “privileged a global minority” — meaning, apparently, that teaching standard makeup techniques constitutes some kind of cultural sin. The solution? Bring in a drag queen to teach contouring, add a module on “inclusive language,” and slap “equitable” on the course title so nobody can criticize it without sounding like a bigot.

That’s the real trick, isn’t it? They weaponize the word “equity” so that anyone who questions why a public university is spending resources on drag-based curriculum gets labeled as intolerant. It’s a rhetorical shield. Criticize the class? You must hate diversity. Ask why tuition keeps going up? You’re clearly a bigot.

Meanwhile, the College Fix reached out to the university’s media relations department for comment. They didn’t respond. Shocking — the people who want to lecture you about “inclusive language” can’t be bothered to answer a reporter’s phone call.

This is what higher education has become in America. The same institutions that charge families the equivalent of a second mortgage are using those dollars to fund courses that would’ve been rejected as parody fifteen years ago. “Equitable Stage Makeup and Hair” — taught by a drag performer, complete with anti-racist methodology — at one of America’s flagship public universities.

If your kid tells you they want to go to Michigan, maybe ask them what they plan to study first. Because the answer might involve false eyelashes and a discussion about whether blending techniques are systemically oppressive.

At least community college teaches you how to weld.